Tuesday, 23 February 2010


I’m afraid that like Simon Bates before the film on an old rented VHS cassette, I must issue a warning about the following blog.

It contains rude words.

If you are easily offended, are the ghost of Mary Whitehouse or are a Victorian lady who has left her smelling salts at home then go because you are not going to be able to handle the flipping plops that I am about to lay down.

OK. I don’t ever offer guidance in this blog. I am the very last person to give anyone any advice. I am an idiot, a klutz, a shemozzle and a bozo. If you ever find yourself in a position where you think you might need some counsel from yours truly then find a priest or a shrink because your life will have gone way off beam. However, as you asked here is a nugget from my brain.

Be careful about what you say around a four year old because they start repeating things.

Last week my son was playing a game and was losing. Without any drama or fuss he gave a long sigh then said the word ‘bollocks’.

Now, it’s not the worst word in the world but I’m afraid I reacted quite badly. All I seemed able to do was to say, ‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’ over and over again. Every time I asked him he sighed again and repeated the aforementioned ‘b’ word. I think he said it five or six times before I was led away, eye twitching like Herbert Lom in a Pink Panther movie. It is, or course, what I say absentmindedly if I get cut up in the car, or my team miss a penalty, or I can’t get the lid off a jar. I had to tell him that it wasn’t a very nice word and that daddy was naughty for saying it. So far he hasn’t said it again.

Now though he is drawing people that look like enormous phalluses (see above).



  1. I'm howling in empathy here because my 2 year old daughter came out of nursery tonight and declared it, "fucking freezing". I almost died on the spot.

  2. I am so glad it's not just my kids! I spilt water down work trousers - cue for two year old son to spend next few WEEKS saying 'oh shit' every time something got dropped, spilt or knocked over!

  3. ha ha ha, that is hilarious! Loving the pictures!

  4. When I first moved to the UK over ten years ago I didn't realise the bollocks was a bad word, I thought it was like shucks, golly gee, etc, until one of my 10 year old pupils said miss...that's a bad word! Ooops.

  5. Someone cut me up on a roundabout the other day and my daughter tutted and said 'for fuck's sake' under her breath. She told me it's what Daddy says in the car...

  6. Wow, what is so funny is the matter-of-fact way the expletives are dropped in. The context is always perfect. In many ways we should be proud of their linguistic talents.

  7. 與其爭取不可能得到的東西,不如善自珍惜運用自己所擁有的........................................