Dad of the Year 2008

So John Terry has been stripped of the England captaincy. Fabio Capello’s decision was swift, merciless and ‘for the good of the team’. It took approximately 12 minutes into their face –to-face meeting for the England manager to inform Terry of his decision. I guess the question that is on everybody’s lips is will William R Johnson act just as quickly..? William R Johnson is the CEO of Heinz, the company that makes Daddies Sauce, the condiment that bestowed the mantle of ‘Dad of the Year 2008’ upon John Terry’s broad shoulders just 18 short months ago.

There will, no doubt, be confusion created by the continued silence from Heinz’s Pennsylvanian HQ today. When will they comment on this alleged serious breach of trust from the recipient of one of Western civilisation’s most important parenting standards..? I’m sure a lot of people reading the tabloids will feel angry, disillusioned even and will be saying, “hey Daddies Sauce, what the flipping Christ we’re you playing at..? How could you have so badly got it wrong with JT..? I mean is that really the sort of behaviour that a Daddies Sauce Dad of the Year would display..?”.

Well, just hold on buddy.

Let’s just examine the evidence a bit more forensically shall we..?

Let’s not jump to any hasty conclusions based on rumours and conjecture.

First off, JT’s daughters are only three so he wasn’t even in contention for the Dad of the Year award until 2007. Unfortunately in 2007 and just before his Blenheim Palace wedding to his childhood sweetheart (now wife) he admitted to her that he had been unfaithful. At the time he said: “I really regret what I’ve done to Toni. I’m not going to cheat on her again.” OK, so he was probably out of the running for the award in 2007.

Last year, the News of the World made some allegations about JT arranging a behind-the-scenes tour of Chelsea’s training ground in exchange for ten grand. In a statement Chelsea rejected the statement but the Heinz bods might have thought that that plus the allegations about his dad probably ruled Terry out of the 2009 prize.

However, in 2008 there was nothing, not a scandal or allegation in sight. JT was as clean as a whistle and so absolutely deserved the award. I mean, there was the tiny matter of him picking up a £60 fine for parking in a disabled parking bay outside a Pizza Express. But then who’s more important for God’s sake..? John Terry or some disabled nobody..? Actually, if you think about it the council were at fault on this one because by rights they should have provided JT with his own parking bay outside the Pizza Express. And as the fine was only about the same as he gets paid every 15 minutes because JT is so brilliant and important no wonder this pathetic indiscretion didn’t count against him.

No, you see in 2008 John Terry was the perfect choice to be Daddies Sauce Dad of the Year. Either that or the award is a piece of pointless PR fluff and about as meaningful as Kerry Katona being twice crowned ‘Celebrity Mum of the Year’.

But that can’t be true, can it..? I mean, she’s an exceptional role model.